Is it okay to sample your tablemate’s food at a formal dinner? Cheryl Lee, Rosalynn Tay, Sulian Claire Tan and Eduardo Ramos-Gómez share their opinions on the great debate.

 

Is it okay to sample your tablemate’s food at a formal dinner? Cheryl Lee, Rosalynn Tay, Sulian Claire Tan and Eduardo Ramos-Gómez share their opinions on the great debate.


Cheryl Lee

Cheryl Lee is the co-founder of lifestyle and F&B company One Rochester Group and soon-to-be mother of two. She takes pleasure in appreciating the presentation of dishes and respecting the epicurean journey of a specially curated menu.

Yes it is, although it depends very much on the format of the dinner. I usually attend formal dinners with my husband and occasionally with my sister and good friends. Being part of a circle of gourmands and foodies, it’s unconditional that we will (and can) happily sample each other’s differing courses discreetly and in a guilt-free manner. 

Of course, what we’d do is share and divide up the sampling bits with a fresh set of cutlery. Sampling with people I’m comfortable with also allows me to engage in more meaningful and varied conversations with my companion or friends, as well as with the chefs on the occasions that they do mingle with diners. 

Also, as formal dinners don’t dictate second helpings in general (with some exceptions when a formal dinner is hosted by someone at home), discreet sampling and sharing would be a great way to get a broad overview of the repertoire of dishes being served, leaving no morsel untouched.


Rosalynn Tay

As someone who frequently trots the globe and photographs people in their element, Rosalynn Tay is one for respecting traditions. This includes those of a formal dinner, which she says, varies its rules according to purpose, setting and menu.

This shouldn’t be an issue if one is familiar with the intricacies of formal dining. The word “formal” suggests an observation of etiquette that is suitable for important or official occasions. Thus, functions attended by dignitaries and people of different cultures are often formal dining occasions, where highly refined behaviour and etiquette need to be observed. 

This needs to be exercised from the time you arrive at the event, from adhering to the requisite dress code to exercising hierarchical formalities. Even the table decor and cutlery layout during formal dinners have a variety of demanding, but often unspoken, rules. Of course, when there’s familiarity among dining parties or tablemates, we can all let our hair down a little. Nonetheless, even when formalities can be practiced to a lesser degree, sampling another’s food is still viewed as taboo. Placing a sampling order similar to a side dish may be more appropriate.


 

Sulian Claire Tan

Senior director of retail and lifestyle at Savills Singapore, Sulian Claire Tan is also a partner of High Society Café and Restaurant at Marina Bay Sands. 

I disagree with this practice. Whether this practice is correct “formal etiquette” may depend on the culture and prevailing social norms where the formal dinner is held. It would also depend on the profile of the guests at the event. Given that it is a formal dinner, it is better to err on the safe side. I would never sample food from my dining company for the first time. If I were dining with my mother however, I might, but only after I asked her first. 

There are obvious health concerns when food is moved from one person’s plate to another person’s plate, especially if either party has a cold or sore throat. I also wouldn’t presume that my dinner companion is comfortable with me using my utensils to handle their food. What if he or she is a clean freak? Then everything becomes a potential hygiene issue. Assuming I was offered to sample the food, I would use a separate pair of fork and knife to divide it and place it on my own plate before eating it with my own cutlery.

The practice might also be more acceptable at a meal among friends who have shared food before. However, if there are strangers around, it’s best to practice some restraint so one doesn’t appear presumptuous. It could portray the person as someone who is insensitive to his environment and inconsiderate towards fellow diners, even if there was no bad intention.


 

Eduardo Ramos-Gómez

Eduardo Ramos-Gómez is a partner at Duane Morris & Selvam LLP and former ambassador of Mexico to Singapore. He feels that improper table manners can take away from otherwise wonderful dining experiences found in beautiful Singapore.

 

Certainly not. In formal dinners, one has to observe rigorous etiquette. In fact, even in casual environments (including one’s home), it is a practice that should not be observed nor encouraged. If it is necessary and depending on the occasion, one could ask for an additional serving on a different plate and with a fresh set of cutlery if they want to have a sample bite.

Under no circumstances the practice is acceptable. There is always the possibility to ask the server of the food or the host to provide a sample, which should always be given in a separate plate with different cutlery. Picking food from someone else’s plate or passing food from plate to plate on a table is definitely bad manners, even if it’s between husband and wife, children or companions.

Let us remember the very simple lecture we, hopefully, all received from our parents when growing up: “Eat at your kitchen table as you were eating in front of a King so when you are guest of a King you simply eat as when you ate at your kitchen table”.