Babies don’t sleep quietly. They make grunting noises, old men cough, moans—this is called active sleep. 

Some mothers insist on having a bassinet next to theie bed to keep the baby close. But for light sleepers like us, it’s easier to just leave him in his crib in his own room so his noises don’t affect your sleep. It’s not like he’s going to roll out of bed [when he’s still at] newborn age! Just keep [anything] that might suffocate him out of the crib or tighten those flimsy bed sheets that he might trap himself with.

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Something that no one discusses is how much change you will go through during pregnancy and motherhood—mentally, physically and spiritually. Also, the amount of sushi, sashimi that I didn't get to eat during pregnancy was just ridiculous.

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I’d start with the “bounce back” expectations (how quickly can you lose weight?!). Many people think that pregnancy and motherhood are always amazing, but there’s a lot of pressure to look a certain way after having a baby. This can be really tough on women, but taking care of our mental and emotional health is what matters.

Single motherhood can be challenging and isolating. I struggled with money, and feelings of guilt and shame—it’s definitely overwhelming. Plus, you might feel like you have to be a supermum because there’s no partner around to help out, and [you’re] filling an extra pair of shoes to mask the feelings of inadequacy. There’s also a lot of social judgement and stigma around being a single mum.

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I’ve only been a mother for 11 days so far so I haven’t quite gone through all the trials and tribulations of motherhood. My journey through pregnancy was very smooth, apart from some carpel tunnel-like symptoms, so there weren’t any surprises until the actual birthing part. I think a lot of mothers downplay the pain factor and all the gruesome and gory details. Childbirth is so unglamorous! I opted for an elective C-section and it came as such a surprise to me when I had three nurses pushing down on me to squeeze the baby out through the incision, which the doctor didn’t make large enough because she underestimated the size of his head. I felt like I was being resuscitated from below the rib cage down. It gave me a lot of bruising but otherwise the whole procedure was quick and efficient. 

The next day was the absolute worst though when they take out your catheter (also didn’t know about this part—clearly I was very naive and unprepared!) and make you take your first wee. The pain is excruciating pain, it feels like someone just Samurai-sliced your belly. I had some visitors at the time and had to make everyone leave the room as they wheeled in a portable chair with a bedpan, even though the bathroom was just a few steps away. Mortifying.

I also didn’t realise there’s a thing called lochia (postpartum bleeding) which lasts for about a month after birth, or however long it takes for your uterus to contract back to normal. People don’t really share the behind-the-scenes on social media, so I never quite pictured myself sitting in diapers in the middle of the night with my breasts out, listening to the whirring sound of my pump, whilst the cats looked on in amusement.

Engorged breasts and breastfeeding itself is another story and there are constantly surprises. Most mothers I know hated it and so many still get mastitis [inflammation of the breast tissue]. You learn as you go but there’s definitely not enough education on the subject.

I have such a newfound appreciation for what the human body is capable of. All the pain in the world is worth it and you would do it over and over again, to see and hold your baby.

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In addition to the birth of your baby, there is the birth of you as a mother and that is an event not to be lightly glossed over. The transition from birth to motherhood was something that caused an intrinsic identity recalibration in me, along with the standard sides of hormonal fluctuations and consistent mood swings brought on by sleep deprivation. 

I think people don’t discuss it because motherhood is supposed to be wild and beautiful and positive, but humans are complex beings and the emotional rollercoaster that the fourth trimester can potentially cause is something I think people should be aware about. I was prepared for it, but it still affected me. 

Thankfully, as it’s aptly called the fourth trimester, it really did go away with time and a lot of support from friends and family. My takeaway from my firstborn experience is to surround yourself with all the support you can get—it really does take a village! 

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