Established doctors Calvin Chan and Elaine Kim as well as Odile Benjamin, divisional CEO and co-creative director at FJ Benjamin weigh in on the great debate.
Calvin Chen
An established doctor with a special interest in aesthetics at his eponymous clinic, and a doting husband and father of two, Calvin knows all good manners begin with expressing care, consideration and respect for others.
I think children should have etiquette lessons in school to reinforce or fill the gaps for what they may or may not be learning at home. Good etiquette—meaning good manners, having a courteous and polite behaviour, knowing how to graciously handle conflict and so on—is a social skill and therefore, a learned behaviour that needs to be taught and assimilated.
Children spend so much time in the classroom that it is where they learn to socialise and learn how to function and operate in that microcosm of society. Thus, it is important that these concepts and practices of good etiquette are reinforced in school, as they should be at home.
As global citizens in a part of the world where Western culture dominates, the accepted rules of courteous and socially desirable behaviour are based on a largely Western model. Thus, schools teaching children social niceties like how to pen an elegant thank-you note or to wield their soup spoons or to place their salad fork helps polish and sophisticate their appearance and mannerisms.
Odile Benjamin
The divisional CEO and co-creative director at FJ Benjamin and a board director of the Singapore Symphony Orchestra, strongly believes that good etiquette is critical to a functional society.
If the question here was whether day schools should be the ones teaching etiquette to children, I’d have to say no. Actually, this question opens up a few others: how dependent on schools should society be in educating children beyond the academics and what is the extent of parents’ responsibility in teaching their children proper etiquette?
Basic etiquette entails saying “Please” and “Thank you”, holding a door open for someone, respecting one’s elders, not cutting a queue, and basically being respectful and polite towards others.
Adding etiquette lessons to what is already a very charged school agenda would mean taking time out of a child’s regular academic curriculum and social schedule to teach him or her something they can and should be learning through regular social interaction. All schools have a code of conduct in place that they will generally enforce in a practical way, by observing their students’ interactions. The rest comes down to upbringing and is up to the parents to teach their children.
Elaine Kim
Doctor, entrepreneur & designer, and mum of two.
Yes. I’m all for schools being more well-rounded in education, not focusing merely on academics, but also on the arts, culture and life. “Etiquette” is such a broad term. There’s dining etiquette, business etiquette, basic etiquette, even net-iquette. It varies widely between Western and Asian cultures, within countries, even within subcultures. I would like to see my children learn how to navigate confidently between different settings in our increasingly globalised world.
Lessons about different societies and social norms, and foreign exchange programmes could be ways to teach etiquette. Knowing how to use your cutlery at a formal English banquet is something I want my children to learn as much as, eventually, the nuances of guan xi in Chinese business etiquette.
Etiquette lessons are by no means the responsibility of schools. The education happens largely at home, and as a parent, I’m motivated to know my p’s and q’s so I can be a good role model for Kyan and Luke. Above all, I hope for my boys to be inculcated with the values that underlie etiquette universally: humility, thoughtfulness, courtesy and kindness.
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